Transitions are a two-way street – Part 1

You were so excited about the transition to your new role in a new country. Your company offered you an exciting job, helped with the move, provided transitional housing, offered relocation services and welcomed you in the new team. Your boss even picked you up from the airport. Still you may feel like something is missing or out of sync? Do you feel comfortable outside of your comfort zone? How effective are you in the new role within your new organization? How do your colleagues see you in their group?

Coming to a new country is an adventure. When I transitioned from Germany to the USA in the mid nineties I was very excited, energetic and curious. And, I was also very naïve.

I underestimated

·         The immediate stress of the transition: I was really excited to come to the States. My departure had been stressful and unfinished, with an apartment I still had rent out. I went into work the first two days and felt energized. Then the second day I got sick. That night I had to call an ambulance and go to the hospital. Explaining my symptoms to the doctors was a challenge. I felt lonely and vulnerable. The next day, I was able to call into work to say that I was sick. I did not know anybody very well and realized that nobody would have checked in on me. I became very aware that I was the one who wanted to build closer relationships. The people here already had relationships.

·         How little my colleagues knew about the other culture: I struggled with understanding their way of thinking. They struggled with my way of thinking. When I thought I was realistic, pointing out what needs to be put in place to be successful in a project, they called me negative. They were the majority and had little need to learn about another culture.  I didn’t realize for a while that I would have to consciously educate them about my culture.

·         How little I understood about the other culture:  I didn’t not understand the different way of thinking e.g. Americans formulate everything positively, they think big and typically do not focus on barriers but on opportunities. They praised my work very positively with few suggestions.  Only over time did I learn to “unpeel” the criticism beneath the suggestions.

·         How I could deal with the transition emotionally and intellectually:  I was irritated by reactions of others and sometimes I felt excluded. I often did not understand the jokes or references my American acquaintances made. I struggled with understanding the impact of my actions and thinking on others. I veered/shifted between being excited about my new life and feeling lost. After awhile, I started to look for other foreigners who experienced similar scenarios so as to feel understood and morecomfortable.

Even though you are never fully prepared for the experience of a transition (otherwise it would not be an adventure), here are a few tips.

Tips for the Transitioning Individual

1.       Be curious and open:  Be aware that you are joining an existing environment. Embrace it! Be active in reaching out to others and asking lots of questions, make friends within the new culture. Find the challenges and fun in the new environment. Be curious about everything.

2.       Identify what you need to smooth the transition:  Ask for help. Find others who are in a similar situation. Consider what you’re learning; consider keeping a diary of the transition so you can see progress.

3.       Acknowledge what you value about your previous environment:  You might miss things you can easily recreate in your new environment, e.g. cooking dishes from your home country, hanging out with friends and speaking the same language, celebrating holidays with your country fellows.  Celebrate opportunities to connect with your culture consciously.

4.       Acknowledge your losses and find positive ways to deal with them:  Can you connect with folks from your culture in the new environment? What substitutes in the new culture can you find to deal with losses? Can you take trips back to your country? Can you increase your virtual connection to your home country?

5.       Acknowledge that you are in a process: Don’t expect to be ok immediately. You chose this way because it is different. You are in a transition[i]. You are ending one life phase – you will miss things, people, events and a way of being. You are transitioning to a new phase - you will feel lost, confused, excited. And you will start the new phase – you will settle in, understand the change and get comfortable.

Transitions don’t happen in a vacuum. And they greatly impact the individual who transitions. They also impact the group that the individual transitions into. In the second part (in the next newsletter) I will address what the welcoming team can contribute to a successful transition.